Money
Home schooling during Covid
I see you shuddering at the word. Money. No one gets excited to talk about money. You either have it or you don’t, and there’s usually a great deal of stressful decisions on both sides of the blessing. I’ve always had a fickle relationship with the word. My first job was in a credit union, and I went on as an adult to grow what would have been a wonderful career in the realm of personal finances. In hindsight, I enjoyed it more than I gave it credit for. Money is a very personal area of anyone’s life, and every day I was allowed to stare into hundreds of personal lives, including my own. I was queen of budgeting, keeping daily tabs on what was coming in and going out, compartmentalizing each monetary facet of my world. I may not have ever felt unworried about money, but I was comfortable with it. I had things under control.
When I had entered a serious relationship, it was time to forge the conversation on whether to merge finances or leave them separate. I had suggested to safeguard our personal monetary progress by developing a pre-nuptial style agreement, however in the end it was not agreed upon and we opened a new account to begin our new life together. I had been in credit unions for about ten years. In 2012, I left the banking industry to stay home with my first peanut. Leading up to this event, my partner and I carefully practiced what it would be like living on one income. For months before my son's arrival, we squirreled away my paychecks and lived off of only my partner's. Proper prior planning prevents p!ss poor performance, true wisdom I thought would offer security in our futures.
I received my first blow from the real world while into my last months of pregnancy with my second born. Unfortunately, my primary source of income was halted and we were now a soon to be family of four with little resources. Clearly this was the worst of the worst, right? How could we ever possibly manage? Diligently, financial belts were tightened and braced for a collective income pause. Towards the end of this hiccup, the decision was made that I would need to cash in my 401K. It wasn’t a ton, but it was $12,000 I eagerly had poured into, from the first year I was eligible. But I was on a “Team”. It was discussed that there would still be hard earned retirement savings later in life.
Oh to be young and naïve! I thought- we did it, we overcame a great challenge and proved we were able to control our financial outcomes if we attentively navigated hurdles. However, anyone older or wiser will tell you, we are not in control of much. Not of finances, not of others, not of this life.
In the first year on my own I was penniless. I had been staying home with our kids for six years by this time and overnight, income was again nonexistent. This time without a team. It was a great blessing that payments to my mortgage continued, offering our kids and I our home for a time. That first summer was a desperate time. Never in my life had I ever thought I would be so bad off that I could not get milk and bread for my home. It was also God’s opportunity to open my eyes to His abundant generosity through miracles performed right before me. More than once, I would go to my front door to find bags of simple necessities I was struggling to gather for myself; paper towels, toilet paper, clothing for myself and kids, even goody bags for my kids to lift there spirits. Good people who barely knew me, took care of us without even being asked. A student from my college community education class I taught once asked me to meet her by her car after class. There, she gifted me 2 grocery bags of food and thoughtful encouragement on my journey. What she didn’t know, was just that morning, I didn’t know how I was going to buy groceries for that week. Each time a Samaritan blessed my family, the timing had been just right. It was in fact, TOO right. I am certain each of these stories were Divinely written and gifted to me.
The start of 2019, I was about to start my new part time job. I needed to purchase a new pair of shoes. Never ever have I ever in the history of my existence, ever been a “shoe person”. I have lived my entire life with a couple pairs of shoes that I would wear until their ruin… wear for about six months longer… then begrudging replace them by the miserable torture that is –shoe shopping. So at this point, I was wearing shoes that were falling apart, but shopping for a pair of shoes I would need to work in. I headed straight for the clearance aisle, praying to find a pair there. I did. In fact, I found two pairs: ones perfect for work, and ones that were perfect to replace the ones I was wearing for everyday use. To most, and throughout my life thus far, this great deal would have been a no-brainer. For less than the typical cost of one pair of shoes, I could have both and fill both needs. For the first time though, I was unable to do this. I had to choose one. My mom had called during this process, and through dark humor, we laughed about the irony that I actually found two pairs of shoes I ACTUALLY LIKED, and I couldn’t even get them. I sat for a moment, with both shoe boxes on my lap, as I finished the phone call with my mom.
Out of the sky, two $20 bills fell into the shoebox. I quickly looked up at the kindest smile and caring eyes that I will always remember and heard the words “just get them both”, before she slipped off between the aisles. Time stopped. My entire body seized up and all words were muted from my mouth. I felt like hiding. I felt like crying. My mom on the other end of the line repeating “hello?? Hello??”. By the time I had collected myself and explained what had just happened to my mom, the kind stranger couldn’t be found. I even went to customer service to ask if they could page a “thank you” over their PA system. (They wouldn’t.) I could never forget a moment like that. It changed me forever.
I slowly began to realize, that whole thing about even the sparrows having food provided to them, was a very real thing. God provides. “If He is for us, who could ever be against us?” (Romans 8:31) Not worry, not money. If there was will and faith, there was always a way.
In 2019, after I had begun my new job, it was clear I would be forced to sell our house. Balancing my time and resources, I looked for additional jobs frantically, while simultaneously searching for somewhere to move my family to. I had no idea how I was going to be able to afford life. Judges and lawyers scoffed at the struggle and mocked my pride, more than once making comments such as “I guess you’ll just have to move in with your mom and dad.” First off, this line of “problem solving” by a courtroom and passing of responsibility is simply insane. But also, this wasn’t an option for me. My mother lived in a very modest 2 bedroom rambler after her own divorce and my father lived 3.5 hours away. That’s when, all at once, a neighborhood rental became available the same month our home was sold. Another miracle: the landlord offered us the home, on our same block, with my same amazing and supportive neighbors, at a reasonable price.
By this time I had begun receiving payments and had 2 part time jobs, but I was still not certain how this could be stretched enough to meet our needs. There were many sleepless nights, and I would worry myself sick about how to plan for what’s next. I was convinced my next hurdle would be eviction. Y’all remember what happened in 2020 though??? You may all have had the worst year ever sheltering in place (I’m sorry), but for me, this was God’s provisions for my family. 2020 was nothing short of another well timed miracle. Safe from eviction and a time for my kid’s and I to bond, rest and seek refuge from all the chaos enclosing in around us. The year of 2020 was the year I let go of control, or the control I *thought* I had, rather.
This morning, when my favorite Pastor began his sermon on money, I shuddered too. I thought, “Ope! Here we go, I’m going to get a financial tongue lashing from God.” Financial preparations and decision making have been heavy on my heart recently and I thought this was going to be my sign I need to do better. This was not the case, and the beautiful, true words he spoke reminded my soul, all is well. God is generous. He blesses us with His generosity so that we may be generous to each other. I am an example of His goodness. The little (and big) miracles I have witnessed in my own life have not ceased. To add to this further, just last night, finances and money came up in conversation with a dear and very wise coworker of mine, who has faced deep struggles of her own head on and never looked back. She shared with me perfectly timed words my heart had needed to hear about how much joy and energy are wasted on monetary worry. Church this morning was an opportunity to see things faithfully. God is always working all around us. The question is, are you seeking to hear Him? I have many more examples of perfectly timed provisions that I could share. It is impossible to not see Him working in my life.
Money can be strongly attached to fear. Fear and worry are the antagonists of your story. This isn’t to say you can give up and wait for things to be given to you. It’s also not so say there won’t be struggle or set back. We cannot plan for everything, but we can pray. We can share what resources we do have. One thing I would add to this morning’s message was, you are never too poor to be generous. In the beginning of receiving financial county support, the grocery allotment was more than what we needed, but I did really love picking up groceries for other families I knew were struggling. Maybe you can’t afford to donate toward a need monetarily. But I can tell you, organizing a charity for single moms on Christmas or door knocking for silent auction donations is absolutely cup-filling. Every single person, regardless of economics, has a blessing within them God wants to see them be generous with, as He is generous with us. It makes the world go ‘round. So don’t leave any room for fear or worry, fill up that space with giving and you will receive all that you need.
If you’re interested in watching this morning’s service, and it’s a good one, you can find it here.
Special thank yous to the Jon and Sue Marsden, the Lounsberry’s and the many individuals and families at my church who prayed and saw my family through some of our most trying days. Your generosity will never be forgotten and I pray God leads me to more ways I can pay it forward.