Let Them Figure it Out
Six AM alarms. At nearly 40 years old and three kids into this life, you would think I would be used to them. I sleepily made the morning smoothies, packed the school lunches and walked them out to their bus stop. It was ten minutes later, as the bus swung open its door, when my daughter, just 2 strides from the bus steps decides to tell me, “Oh Mom, I was supposed to bring a special snack and drink today.” … Yeah, girl, bye. You’re on your bus and my body has been mentally preparing to crawl back under my warm covers the entire time I have been awake. Are ya kidding me, sister?
I walked back to the house weighing the options: serve this one as a lesson learned or just run up to school. She’s my tender-hearted middle child though, and this was their last treat day of the year, so yes, I decided to say goodbye to my warmed down comforter and headed to my car, promising myself a fancy coffee afterwards for my efforts.
So there I was, two blocks from home, hair twisted up in a clip with loose pieces falling over my make-up-less face, in an oversized brewery sweatshirt and leggings (truly a prize to behold), when I realized I didn’t even put a bra on. It will be fiiiiiiine, everything is f i n e.
As the PTO president this year, I am in the school at a minimum once a week and am known by staff and students alike. So when Mrs. Lisa, the school secretary I speak to almost daily, didn’t recognize me at first glance, the consciousness of my lack of primping was fully realized! Luckily for me, and likely unfortunate for my kids, I don’t embarrass easily. I preceded through the school hallways to the classrooms I needed to visit.
More than the coffee I had promised myself, this was when I genuinely earned my reward. A most favored teacher spotted me in the kindergarten doorway (and recognized me too) and made his way over to me saying, “I have to tell you, your kids have really started something…” I mean, how else could you take that as a parent?! Apprehension. Immediate apprehension for what words are to come next!
He was referring to the willow tree my kids had wanted to save. There are two beautiful willow trees in the front of the school property that are most loved. This summer there are plans to re-do the entire property surrounding the school and my kids were absolutely heartbroken that the willow tree could be a casualty. We had several conversations about why it was happening and they begged the question: what could be done? Knowing in my darkened, adult brain that there wasn’t a lot of hope, I started to take more of a backseat approach to the subject and let my kids steer the conversations. That was how they hatched up their plan to save the tree. I lost them that evening. They hid away in our office, all three of them with their spread ages of 4th, 3rd and kindergarten grade levels, and drew up maps and presentations. They researched on the web and made plans on how they would approach their Principal in the morning. The goal was to raise funds to transplant the tree to a new location on the property. They shared it all with me and practiced their speeches before school the next day. They were cool and confident, and I was so impressed.
Turns out their hard work and creative problem solving made an impression on others too. I heard dazzled reactions from a handful of teachers, one of which sent a library book home to share with them a true story of another beloved tree that was moved. And now, weeks later still, here was another teacher drawing me back into a plan my kids hatched. After my nervous smile of apprehension, he continued, “No! All good things! They’ve inspired something really cool! I know how hard they were really trying to save the willow tree and it’s too bad it didn’t work out, but then I started researching and apparently willow trees propagate quite well. And actually, their leaves if you boil them, can stimulate rooting. I have six or eight started, if you have room or interest… or go grab a few cuttings yourself!”
It’s amazing when you think about it. On many different levels. What if I would have given them the straight reality of the situation right off the bat? What if they just slumped on the couch with their tablets like typical when we got home from school that day? What if they hadn’t presented about it to the school office? What if they didn’t love nature so much or didn’t feel confidence in themselves? Because of their passion and initiative, they created ripples, inspiration and learning to an entire group of people. And all I had to do was retreat and say “yeah ok, so what are you going to do about it?” What I thought was parental laziness and sparing them of my pessimism, turned out it to be a great reminder.
Kids are SO smart when you give them creative space and your confidence in them. Be comfortable allowing them to suffer a little in life challenges. Give them problems to solve – then give them the space and tools to let them practice their skills. And enjoy celebrating their efforts.
My kiddos may not have saved a tree, but they just might have created 6-8 new ones. I am so glad my free-spirited daughter forgot her treat this morning. I had totally forgotten what a hot-mess express I was and it was entirely worth it. Everything was more than just fine. I am so stinking proud of my kids!